Heeeey, I'm back!* This blog is about how to eat good on bitch money.

*This is a lie.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Why not just eat all free food?

Because sometimes free food is not worth the calories it takes to chew it. Included:
-doughnuts at work
-melamine supermarket chocolate
-dopey free "yeast rolls" at feed trough places like Ryan's and Golden Corral
-that orange soupy stuff that they say is "nacho cheese" and it comes in one of those woven wooden bowls at the gringo "fast casual" restaurant before your sucky gringo chalupafajitaplaaaatter or whatever bunk thing you ordered because there was nothing on the menu that was NOT bunk. Don't eat that glue, damn.
-all stuff like the above

See the thing about all this stuff is, it is designed to be not all that great but nevertheless make you ravenous so you eat more food that costs money. It is like if you go to the gentleman's club, what they do on the stage in order that you should order a lap dance and then have your Lancelot urge kick in and get into a bad marriage and end up driving around in a sad kind of "married people" type car. That's what those chips and orange "cheese" really represent. Stay away.


Robin P said...

Many years ago, I knew a lady who was "fast and casual". It is true that she had consumed many a bowl of orange, soupy "nacho cheese"-ladened chips, but those were merely her cheap dates' prelude to, shall we say, other satisfactions. Dinner and a show has been the lead-in to numerous meaningless "deeper" connections for millions in America. Picking up the tab is essential in such situations for the man to get anything more than a handshake in the car. Such is the state of modern feminism.

Nom, nom, nom! said...

You make a cogent point: modern feminism is a lot like that watered down "cheez." Whither the good old days? The street riots and bombings? The "necklacing" of uppity husbands? The rousing cries of "Equal compensation or surprise castration" around the breakrooms of the nation's offices?

Booga said...

How can you not eat the yeast rolls? They are so good. To not eat a yeast roll is sorely unAmerican. You can be sure that Governor Palin would not turn down those rolls.

Robin P said...

Om Nom, another fake food: imitation vanilla extract. I had to borrow some from the beach house on this property because I ran out of REAL vanilla extract. I looked at the ingredients list: water, propylene glycol, vanillin, and a few other things.

Ingredients lists show the main ingredients first, I.E., what the largest percentage of the product is made of. O.K., water, big deal, it is the foundation of all life forms.

Here is what my Webster's College Dictionary says about propylene glycol: a clear, colorless liquid used as an antifreeze, in the manufacture of polyester resins, etc. More chemical food from the Great Food Satan, corporate America. Pure garbage.

@booga's comment: you make a good comparison: Veep candidate Sarah Palin to Ryan's Steak House "yeasty rolls". Both look appetizing and tasty, but are really empty calories. The best this last-minute politcal choice will get out of this election is a book deal telling about her "thrilling ride" into national politics. Many Republicans find her to be a naive yokel who has no big place in national politics. She might get some little-watched cable show out of the deal once she and Johnnie Boy lose.

Anonymous said...

Ah, feminism. I remember the good old days, burning Playboy Bunnies whilst full-throated Anita Bryant anthems arose in unison with the flames...oh, wait. That wasn't feminism, that was something else. Never mind.

Nom, nom, nom! said...

They're counting on you to eat the yeast rolls. Just try not eating the yeast rolls one day and see what happens. "Are you not yet enjoying those yeast rolls, Mr. or Ms. Booga?" "Can I tell the chef you're going to be eating the yeast rolls he made for you with his own hands out of love, Mr. or Ms. Booga?" "Mr. or Ms. Booga, how can we here at Golden Calf get you around a couple or six of these fresh, warm, free yeast rolls today? How can we do that for you the fastest and the bestest? Would it help if the rest of the waitstaff and I all gathered here around your chair and sang and clapped so that everyone in the restaurant could be alerted to the situation, so that everyone could join in encouraging you to fill up on your warm fresh hot delicious gratuitous yeast rolls and quit hitting the buffet roast beef so goddamn hard? Did you somehow miss the four-foot-high neon 'Three Roll Minimum' sign on your way into Golden Calf this evening? Would you like me to call Kevin the Oven Man out here to 'reason' with you, Mr. or Ms. Booga? Because we can make that happen."