Heeeey, I'm back!* This blog is about how to eat good on bitch money.

*This is a lie.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Okay, here's today's real post:

Eating at Your Friends' Homes!

It's very important not to piss off your friends. Because: if you don't make them mad, they might invite you over to eat! Now, when you eat at your friends' homes, your little rules about "this or that is off limits" should go where? That's right, out the window or up your undsoweiter. Because following these little rules might what? That's right, piss off your friends. And that brings us right back to the beginning where we did not want to be, damn it. I don't know how to blaaaaag!

Anyway, dinner at your friend's house is the one time when rules like "no supermarket chocolate," and "I do not drink of the orange juice: I only touch virgin citrus with unbroached, blushing peel" are not to be followed unless it's some outlandish kind of crazy situation like your friend tries to get you to drink Crystal Lite or however you spell that crap. MAN that stuff is nasty, OH my god don't drink it. Accept it with huge smiles and glad cries and then pour it in a houseplant at the first op.

Remember: at friends' houses YOU LOVE EVERYTHING!


Booga said...

Problem with eating at friends house is that the sanitary sanitation is not sanitary.

What i mean is: make sure your friends
1) wash hands
2) the kids and their boogers stay out of the kitchen

or you'll get the big D.

i suppose this is a problem with restaurants too but i think it's worse at friends house.

What do you think?

How many times did I see Friend X put some dirty hand into a bunch of food and throw it into the chop chop machine and i thought: ew! You just put yo dirty paw into the veg and then into the chop chop? Ew, i better not eat her boulettes then!

Robin P said...

booga: how long have you had Obsessive-Compulsive disorder (OCD)? It's been 56 and 3/4 years for me, although I only became aware of it (not by name) when I was about 11 or 12 and felt guilty after masturbating.

People have immune systems. Excessive cleanliness allows really nasty bacteria to flourish because they don't have as much competition for natural resources when all the other bugs have been killed off. It is called iatrogenic infection in hospitals where super-bugs thrive.

No Dirty Boulettes said...

Trust me LMAO I am not a clean freak. And puleeze stop talking about your sex life! This is a food blog afterall :)

Nom, nom, nom! said...

Booga, I keep myself immune by having the filthiest kitchen and personal habits imaginable. no one can touch me for variety and numbers, bacteriawise.

Robin P said...

Your royal Omness, whatdafudge kindof friends do you have that you feel you must be dishonest with them???!!!

Learn the fine art of discretion, and demurring wit yer buddies. (What a joke that I am lecturing about being discrete and demure. Hah!) Say something like "You know this chemically-ladened grocery store cake with the lard n' sugar frosting isn't as dreadful as I thought it would be." That should get you an invite back. Yeah, now I get. You just want more free food, yup! Caught you, I did!

Robin P said...

@no dirty boulettes, please:

would you like the recipe for Pete Schwetty's Popcorn Balls? His Schwetty Balls are sought after by men and women from coast to coast around this time of year. See for yourself on this NPR-type cooking segment from a few years ago: