Heeeey, I'm back!* This blog is about how to eat good on bitch money.

*This is a lie.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Seabiscuit awhirl in its grave

My conscience slumbers undisturbed again. Upon advice from counsel I am going to renounce the $750.

Do not weep, beloved reader. My attorney says the money is probably "full of white snow. Spiders. SPIDERS!" I don't know what he means, but it sounds negative on the balance.

(That's me in the hat.)

Today I'm having some field peas! You boil them and while that's happening you sear a red or yellow pepper in butter and then you throw the cooked peas in with the pepper and shake on salt and curry powder and grind some black pepper and the whole thing takes maybe ten minutes. The pepper is so sweet it gets candied.

There is still the end-of-the-contest banquet to go to, and I mean to go to it with my quiche. I will report what transpires when I renounce the dough.


Robin P said...

Hmmm, Nom, judging from your picture in that convertible with your skanky-looking lawyer (redundant, I know), you not only engage in drastic weight-loss contests, but you smoke and have grown a mustache as well. Any one of these behaviors can have health ramifications, but the mustache has certain social problems associated with it as well. Most ladies with such facial hair work in circuses. I know the proper plural form of circus is circii, but I also like to live dangerously.

Babe, I am giving you all the credit for getting TPP at Well off her dime and allowing my posts again. Check out my shout-out to you in #61 on the Well birthday entry. Not actually a shout-out, but more like a thank-you. But I am flying up to see you this weekend because the rain has ended here in the Myrtle Beach, SC area. Just tell me what co-ordinates to set my GPS system navigator to, and I'm there!

BTW, have you unchained Juan yet from that radiator? I hope so. He is a bear about his freedom. I once inadvertently locked him in the garden shed, and when I went back the next day, he had used a shovel to tunnel under the structure. He emerged in the neighbor's yard, and was nearly shot as a huge gopher. Sometimes, I used him to fetch things, but he is no go-fer.

Anonymous said...

It's me--I'm not signing in it's such a dam hassle, but I had to get back to you on this issue of the Gardener With A Mind Of His Own.

Juan is so TOUCHY about things! I've tried dosing him with strong tea, taping his eyes open and making him watch entire seasons of To The Manor Born back to back, and replacing his traditional huaraches with sturdy, 1940s-era US govt.-issue boots, but nothing breaks his proud spirit.

So far I've kept these practices secret from my attorney. I have a feeling he would not approve. Before anything untoward happens, could you share with me a few tips about the care and feeding of gardener savants? He is now claiming he was happier with you than ever before or since, which I find hard to reconcile with his earlier reports.

Anyway, be warned: all is not quiet here. When you come this weekend you might consider parking the barnstormer some miles away and hiking in, just to, you know, get the lay of the land before you commit. If you see towers of flame on the horizon, you can be assured that Juan and I are workign things through.

Robin P said...

Nom, enjoy your fruit party this weekend. My bi-plane has issues, so we will have to get together another time. I made up the melon mojitos thing, but why not melon ones? If you can't find an actual recipe, invent one and name it something cool. Havana Heaven, or some such.

Re signing in to Blogger, if you use Windows software, I have an extra license for Roboform, which is a great password saver/one-click sign-in sort of affair. It is $30 dollar software. The license code is old, but will likely still be good. Lemme know. It can sit in its own toolbar at the top of the browser. You click on name of the site in the toolbar, such as 'Blogger' and it signs you in.

As for Juan, he likes coffee better than tea. Of course he has fond memories of his time in my employ. I fed him steak fajitas once a week, with Corona beers. He thought Corona was expensive beer.

Let him wear his huaraches. The boots remind him of being forced to work for the a right-wind death squad in Colombia. He detested these people, but feared they would kill his brother if he didn't co-operate with them. Those tips may help you out with this fictional gardener.

Robin P said...

Nom, we've got a fan in Phoebe Heyman (great name, even if it is made up). Check out her kudo at #64 in the Well blog b-day entry, and my recap of our storyline in #67. Hope your fruit party is a big success. We are having lovely weather here along the Grand Strand, after a week of cool, windy, rainy weather.