Heeeey, I'm back!* This blog is about how to eat good on bitch money.

*This is a lie.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

My stomach hurts

I ate all the rest of the pistachios in a vain effort to stay awake so I could watch Charlie Rose. Charlie Rose is the worst host in the history of the world. Why does he invite seventyfive people on his show and then let each of them talk for .07 seconds before waving his hand in the camera and starting to grunt and bark offscreen to interrupt them? Why not have a reasonable number of guests on so that they could all get a chance to talk? Huh, Charlie? Also, why is the background deep, infinite black and the light screamingly bright so that all the people look like they're sitting with Charlie at a table that is zooming through outer space and is on fire? This effect is dopey and obvious and it causes more eye strain than it creates gravitas. Take note, "Inside the Actor's Studio," or whatever that crap is called: no more black backgrounds comboed with blazing bright lights on PBS shows! Nobody is fooled!

Also: America, do not stay up late to watch Charlie Rose. Staying up late makes you fat, and the fatter you are, the more food it takes to lull you into a state of sleepiness: you can see how this could become a vicious cycle and lead to bad, depression-unready eating and spending habits. Take note, everyone! Our Leader needs our help to stave off the coming economocalypse (boy, does that coinage ever stink. It's no "simulacra-p," that's for sure): He cannot do it alone.

3 comments:

Not Robin said...

Help me Nom! Sorry to comment on early topix but i'm getting addicted to... CANDY BARS.

i swear to God i never ate this stuff never, but where i live, there is a store on every corner selling 'em and somehow i've convinced myself that it's OKAY--

How do i stop???

Nom, nom, nom! said...

I don't know, not robin, I don't know. Because I myself am addicted to candy bars. But I can tell you that one notion I had was that I should maybe identify all the pretty little lies I tell myself, like, "It's okay, these dozen candy bars are meant as GIFTS. yes, they're GIFTS! For OTHERS!" (Then somehow, always by some horrible and completely unpredictable mischance which is never my fault, the transfer of candy bars from gifter to giftees fails to materialize and the gifter eats all 12, becoming in the act less of a gifter and more of an outrageous PIG.)

Anyway, not robin, the take home is:

IT'S NOT OKAY! IT'S NOT OKAY, NOT ROBIN! NOT ROBIN, IT IS NOOOOT OOOOO-KAAAAAAY!

Whoo! That was cathartic! I feel much better.

still not robin said...

Which candy bar do u think Obama prefers? Almond joy? Baby ruth?

Lately I get snickers but 3 muskrats used to be my favorite.

If a peppermint patty is there, I'll get that -- or sometimes hershey with almonds. And then there's m/m peanut

And then there's utz sour cream and onion chips, but that's not chocolate

And chunky. Do u ever eat chunky?

These are all better than geraldine ferraro rocher or giardelli. I got some choco chunks semi sweet for baking, not hershey, and they are awesome.

Why are these choco makers trying to torture us

And why is my orange cat torturing me with his meows? When did he become so neurotic? Was it since I started flinging back the candy bars?