Heeeey, I'm back!* This blog is about how to eat good on bitch money.

*This is a lie.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Get hooked up! Part two.

Sure, it's great to be an American these days what with all the modern conveniences and all. But! What about...

after the lights go out?

Neener neener, neener neener, Bwaaaaaaaaaaaammp! Bwaaaaaaaaaaaammp! ... Plink plink plinka plink plong!

(Hello, duh? It's the theme from The Twilight Zone? Like, of course? You poor kids. It's got to feel bad when you find out you postdate your own country's cultural apex.)

What will you do for food after all the grocery stores go dark and the shelves are picked bare of food but for a couple of half-eaten granola bars being guarded by the wall-eyed homeless dude who, in somehow getting his hands on a howlitzer, has proven he has the right skillset for today's jobmarket after all?

How will you get those granola bars from that cranky ol' Tommy Crazy Eyes?

Well, take heart, loyal reader! Because you don't have to. You don't eat granola bars because you've been following the advice of this blog for so long that you've forgotten they--and the grocery store istelf--even exist. You'll be happily unaware that the grocery store has gone dark in the first place. You'll be going about your eating life just as you did before, though with fewer forays into the wild and wonderful side alleys of the WWW for Valomilks and the like, since portals to the WWW will long since have disappeared from the lives of regular people.

But enough dystopian scene setting! To the topic!

Right, okay, so the first way to get hooked up was... oh yeah, oyster tasting. Well guess what! next week we're trying raw clams. Evidently people eat them! Clams are even more mineral rich than oysters, or so I've read. So that's even more nutrition I don't have to pay for. And I have a few more up my sleeve to tell you about in the months ahead. Don't worry! We're all going to be fine.


corky said...

Does "raw" clam mean "live" clam? Or is that something else. Are you into that "live food" trend? There's a restaurant I know of that says it serves raw/live food and they don't mean buffalo patties.

Michele said...

I'm making No-Noodle Lasagne!

Michele said...

I made the No-Noodle Lasagne and it was sloppy as all get-out but really, really good. The problem is, I couldn't get the old man on board to eat it unless I had a huge loaf of garlic bread. He is soooo wary of anything that even faintly smacks of removing the beloved simple carbs from his diet. So, I attempted to "jazz" it up a bit last night with some baked chicken breasts (and more garlic bread). He instead ate our son's leftover mac n' cheez.

What's a girl to do, NomX3?

Colada said...

Michele -- That's a super-tiger you got there! Did he like the no-nood (nude?) lasagne?

Nom, nom, nom! said...

"michele," ah: but does the "old man" need to remove the simple carbs from his diet in the first place? Mayhap he is seeking, like so many old men, to develop huge hams. In which case maybe he should go the other direction in this and eat cheaply so that others may cheaply eat.

Wait, that doesn't make sense. Well, never mind.

Hap! py Veteran's day, everyBODy!

Oh, wait, "corky" remains unsatisfied. Well, "corky," the bivalve remains alive for a few moments after its shell is opened, so depending on when the clams are "shelled," as we say in the biz, and depending on how long it takes me to get to the clam-tasting venue, the clams may be alive when I down them. But I think likely they will be recently deceased.

"colada," please do not cheapen this blog with your ribald tiger slurs thank you.

PS: j/k, "colada," actually you gave me a titter!