Puffballs

Puffballs are a fungus that is among us at this time of year. I found several of them yesterday while slogging around at noon in my quest to beat Slick and win $750 at the price of not drinking a daiquiri in what feels like ten thousand years. But you know what? Serendamndipity. In seeking great suffering I find great joy. It's worth not drinking a daiquiri for ten thousand years if it means you find that many puffballs. I took them home and made them into a delicious scramble using this crazygood butter I found at that one store. It's called something like vermontchurned special great butter or something, I don't know the name, but it comes in yellow paper printed with little cow heads, and inside that is a plastic tube with metal closer thingies, like how braunschweiger is packaged. It is the best butter, like the March Hare said. So you cook your puffballs in that til they're browned a bit and then you throw in your eggs and stir it all around. Salt and pepper, keep it simple.

Puffballs are so fantastic because they don't go all watery. They stay firm and meaty and good good good. You can take your old rubberyass morels and be damned. I'll always love puffballs best.

Obviously you don't want to go out and just start picking a pile of mushrooms and frying them up because you'll die. If you know exactly what a puffball is, you don't need to be reading this and if you don't know at all, you sure don't need to be reading this, either. But if you're kindof halfway familiar with the concept and you want to do a scramble, you better find somebody who really knows. You can get a book or look online, but bear in mind, it's probably going to lead to a shockingly fast and painful death because of the similarity between puffballs and baby amanitas. You cut them in half and look at them to be sure you don't see a creeeeepy little outline of the amanita-to-be in the creeeeeeepy fetal thing you plucked, all thinking it was a delicious yumyummity when really it is THE DESTROYING ANGEL!

I really lucked out last night: I'm still alive! I was also able to jam down a round of cruddy American brie and some inferior Greek yogurt (only Fage total cream for me, now and forevermore). All while watching Trailer Park Boys, season 9 or whatever it is, in which we discover that the show has finally and completely jumped the shark. Mozart's Requiem.