Heeeey, I'm back!* This blog is about how to eat good on bitch money.

*This is a lie.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Somebody said, "Have you been working out?" today.

Then he said I was "cut." Sounds so violent.

Meanwhile the clueless personal trainers running the weightloss contest are harrassing everyone about keeping a "food journal" and attending the group rock-climbing jaunt. This weekend they are taking us to the grocery store for a good old fashioned label-readin' sesh. They are going to lead my hapless competitors direct to the Kashi and rolled oats aisle. We are going to learn about Splenda and stevia!!! I hope there's time for an independent study jaunt. I'll come back with my cart full of pomegranite juice and get all kind of extra credit. Everyone will copy me, drink the stuff and gain five pounds. Meanwhile, I'll use it to brighten up my fishtank and dye my socks. My numbers will continue, inexorable, to fall.

I'm going on vacation again, but here's a diet tip: the reason we don't eat oysters in the summer is not that they will give us the listeria but that they spawn in the summer. Do you like to suck cold undiluted mushroom soup direct from the can? Then you will love oyster spawn.

1 comment:

Robin P said...

So now you are posting comments as "Anonymous"? You coward! I know who you are! You are Nom, nom, nom! You aren't fooling anyone with your charade.

As for being 'cut', you misheard some Hispanic dude who said if you looked at him again like that, you would get 'cut'.

Vacation again? So does this mean your dreadful record as a daily blogger will continue unabated? Take your laptop or Blackberry with you and post while you are sitting in some dreary motel room, watching it rain and leak onto your bed. Otherwise, you will never become as good a writer as I am, or be as hilarious as I think I am. I've got it all over you, Mr. or Ms. Nom!