Heeeey, I'm back!* This blog is about how to eat good on bitch money.

*This is a lie.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Coca-Cola, Chapter III

Huge breakthrough!
Coca-goddamn-Cola is starting to taste good. After only five days of relentless, dedicated pounding, I have succeeded in destroying my taste buds. They have succumbed at last to the mighty, syrupy fist. Can colossal weight gain be far behind? Signs point to hell no! Hooraaaaaaay!

Lunch: an emotional roller coaster.
I consumed a "P'zone." I made the air quotes when ordering the P'zone, and the Pizza Hut lackey said, "Do you want it with quotation marks?" I was all, "Har!" Then he said it was going to take fifteen minutes and my balloon popped: booooo. Then when I was waiting in the car for it to be fifteen minutes, George Carlin came on Fresh Air: yaaaaaay. But it was an old one because George Carlin died yesterday: boooooo. Then, totally unexpectedly, the Pizza Hut lackey brought the P'zone out to the car, so I did not have to walk in and get it: yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!


Anonymous said...

Aren't P'Zone's about the size and shape of a small wombat and can be eaten in one bite by Tim Tebow of the Florida Gators? I think I've heard of these things.

Anonymous said...

Excellent question, "anonymous," my dear fellow or gal!

The ones on TV are the size of a healthy adult wombat, but the ones they hand you at Pizza Hut are like malnurished orphan street wombats. Tim Tebow wouldn't have to take a bite, he could simply inhale sharply and "huff" the P'zone.

Which I totally should have predicted would be the case but I did not and the emotional letdown when I opened the P'zone box was not to be believed.

Gatdag it, I screwed up when I started this thing and used the wrong e-mail address. So now I'm reduced to commenting as "anonymous" on my own dang blaaaag. How's anyone supposed to tell "anonymous" from "anonymous?" It's a nightmare. Listen, "anonymous," can you help me reconfigure when you get a chance? Thanks!