Esteemed reader who may one day be mine, do you drink flocola in the A.M.? Why do you do that thing? Can you help me to "grok," as the kids say?
My breath smells like caramel. Everything is sticky. There is a brown film over the world. And I have three more of these to take care of before 4 pm. H-hOW? HOW?
I probably sound as if I protest too much. Indeed not. I feel a strong inclination to barf. True, I did also finish a pint of creme brulee ice cream this morning, and maybe half a bag of potato chips. But these are minor actors. It's the refreshing cola beverage that's trying to kill me. Well, forget it, CocaGoddamnCola! As God is my witness, as God is my witness, I'm going to lick this. I'm going to live through this. And when it is over, I will never drink soda again. No, nor any of my folk.
Say it with me, folk!
As God is our witness, we'll never drink soda again!